Why did I get the curse of fearing people. It fucks with yout entire life and makes you want to put a bullet in your head. I cannot perform at work, sexual, friendwise, familywise. I cannoy perform in NOTHING. It gets worse every year. The only time I can be assertive is when I get so violent. I make my own mother cry.
I will never succeed. Might as well bullet myself now to end this suffering. Life is fucked when you fear people. Why can't I fear snakes, spiders, heights, confined spaces like normal people???
20 years is enough for me. I cannot deal with this anymore. And to look at the biggger picture. NO ONE will be at my funeral if I live to 90. Luckily I will have a heart attack and only live to 50. I live in constant anxiety torture and will have a heart attack. It is not healthy to live with chronic anxiety. The only time I don't live with anxiety is when I disappear and lock myself in the basement for 5 months straight and never come up until I know everyone is asleep. Fuck life I am over it