Worry Author

14 Jul 2015, 01:49

I'm 16 months clean from heroin and am going nowhere. I have worked at a fast food burger place for almost a year. I keep seeing people I knew from high school 3 years ago who are now going to college. I see people on social media traveling and in happy relationships. I'm still living with my parents who where a huge help with me getting clean.
I quit smoking soon after I quit heroin and I even started going to church again and spending time with my big family.
Three months later I started smoking again And not long after quit going to church. Now I dont do anything but go to work then come home and play video games or watch tv. All the while, smoking at least one cigarette every hour. I rarely even shower. I feel like I took 20 steps forward and ten steps back.
I know the things I should be doing (applying for school, spending time with family, going to church, paying off fines) but I won't let my self do anything productive. The desire to do nothing is so intense and stronger than I've ever felt it. I'm complacent and stagnant and lazy. I don't want to live and I don't want to die.

Dbdan

14 Jul 2015, 02:45

Baby steps. Don't numb your pain with video games and cigarettes or mindless activity. Instead take some time to be by yourself. Feel into and through the pain and anxiety. It'll be uncomfortable but if you stay with it you'll break through to the other side. That discomfort is telling you live for more. Be grateful for it. Don't distract yourself from it or it won't be able to do its job properly. Feel it fully and start looking for all the things you can appreciate about life. Your parents sound very supportive. Don't compare yourself to anybody else, what they do has nothing to do with your life. You're on your own journey. Once you stop distracting and numbing yourself from your impulses, Do what you feel like. Have an adventure. Break your routine just to show yourself you have the power to. Go somewhere new just cuz you feel like it. Dance move drink water start being nice to people for no reason other than to shake yourself up. It's all just for the fun of it. Start claiming your life back, we'll all be dead in the end. Live richly, drink In all the life you want from wherever you happen to be

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14 Jul 2015, 15:31

@Dbdan, great advice.
@worry author, dont compare yourself to facebook posts: my facebook is dreamy-looking and spotless, but my life is a mess. I did the university stuff, and my life is a mess. Facebook and "chit chats" with old aquaintances are just the surface, not reality. Dbdan is right, try something new. Even if its just checking out a new area around your home.

Worry Author

14 Jul 2015, 19:09

Thank you both. That really helps

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24 Jul 2015, 22:24

@Worry author. How are you feeling?

Worry Author

30 Jul 2015, 00:29

Not good. I finally found a girl that I think I really like and she is ignoring me. And my therapist told me the wrong day for my appointment so I missed it and I'm too lazy to reschedule. I did finish filling out Financial aid application for school but haven't done anything else other than look at laptops which I'm only motivated to do cuz I like buying things.

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03 Aug 2015, 22:37

If it makes you feel any better, I am not ignoring you, :) good to hear you filled out the financial aid application. Call to reschedule your appointment with your therapist. You can do it. :) let me know when you did :)

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Recovered addict complacent and depressed

25 Feb 2016, 13:39

In the UK we have something called the Citizens Advice Beauro sp they help with this kind of stuff actually they help with everything im wondering if they have sonething similar in the states?

Terrellkip
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20 Jul 2016, 10:41

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