I want to write today to face that demon that has been lingering around for too long. Today I want to face that demon and write all that is deep within my heart.
By taking me behind the old house when I was 6 and making me pull my pants down and abusing me. What gave you the right to take away my innocence? You have scarred me for life. I can't trust any man now because every time I look at a man I see that horrible image of the days you sexually abused me when you took me behind the old house and sexually abused me. I know it's not my fault because I was just a little innocent girl still in diapers I hated myself for not being able to speak when you we're abusing me but how could I find the words to explain the stuff you did to me as a kid if I was to young to comprehend the things you were doing to me when you were abusing me behind the house.
Sometimes I wish that you could go through the pain that you had placed me through but I know I could never wish that upon your mother or your half sister because only a woman would be able to understand the pain of another woman and in no way would I ever want another person to be put through all that you have put me through all that you have placed me through. I will never be able to forgive you for sexually abusing me as a kid and I choose to stop blaming myself because it was never my fault- I was just an innocent girl still in diapers. I choose to let go and be free. Free from you but I will never forgive you for what you did to me.
I hope one day your sorry for what you did to me and when you told me 'It was fun' ( abusing me ) I hope you don't hurt another person the way you hurt me. But I pray that one day, in time, when your fifty maybe and have finally matured a little- you remember that young woman you had scared so badly and abused, One who's life you had changed forever and the guilt eats you up.
However, when that day comes, I would have been out of your life for good and you will not be able to reach out to me to say sorry.
Never ever ever ever again will I ever let you do this to me again,
- The one you abused and stole her virginity, Stole her innocence.
P.S: If you are going through some sort of abuse, I pray that you find some place reading this and I pray that you will be able to find your solid rock- one that comforts you in times like these. Please learn to let go like I have or at least, I'm trying to.
#BeStrongAndRememberYouAreNot Alone. If You are going through Sonething like I went through please don't be afraid to talk or tell a trusted friend, adult, a parent, teacher. But do not remain silent like I did. Please tell someone you trust. Don't be afraid to talk. Remember you are not alone.
A message for anyone who's been abused or has kept it inside: we're you abused? Did you speak the truth, and no one believed you? Did you speak your truth abd experience the pain of even one person doubting you?
If you were abused and someone, anyone, didn't believe you, know that I do. I believe you. I stand with you and for you in the small way I can.
We can be victorious together as survivors. I am a survivor. You are a survivor. We are stronger for having survived. We stand together triumphantly and move forward, bravely living abuse free lives.
If you have been abused or are currently a victim of abuse and have not yet spoken out, I urge you to reach toward a safe person and speak your truth. You too are strong and courageous and deserve to live an abuse free life. Stand with me, no longer a victim but a survivor.
Start today and make a new ending.