I find no point in telling ppl around me about my toxic thoughts and emptiness, they can only feel sad, there's nothing they can do but feel burdened. It's better to keep it inside and let it eat you up rather than spread the hurt. I do care about people and I know it's wrong to keep things in, but how else would we protect them from becoming like us. I hate being the one infecting everyone else with my negative energy. My job is to suck it up and smile. One day, when I've managed to push everyone away, I'll disappear and it will be painless for everyone. Right now, I'm just observing myself, it keeps me calm & keeps me from acting on my emotions. For now, I'll suffer.